August 1, 2007

Lessons in Survival

I was taking a shower the other day and I had the strangest experience. Like never before, I glanced over at my soapy right arm in mystery. I zoomed closer in until only skin was visible. How complex, I thought. Stretchy, colored, tiny hairs here and there, and filled with microscopic stuff like pores and cells. My mind then took me to deeper places.

I began thinking beneath skin. With flashes of muscle tissue, organs, skeleton and exoskeleton, my thoughts amounted to one thing – the ever crucial phenomenon of evolution. It followed me to dinner where I mused about the races in Africa and Asia and the effect of sunlight on their skin color. I thought about my parents and neighbors, my life and theirs’. Even Google and Yahoo crossed but when they did, all the thinking came to an end.

I won’t get into details but a few years ago, powerhouse Google came from nowhere and stole the initiative of most popular search engine on the web from competitor Yahoo. As an observer, I found it very interesting.

Just when you think you have everything under control, some asshat comes along with more money and genius and all of a sudden, you’re not where you thought you were in the market place. Now, you’ve got to work twice as hard to keep up.

I guess you already know where this is going.

The concept of survival of the fittest has never changed. Some variables have changed however, and will continue to. In the past, the alpha male got the best of everything including food, shelter, and females with nice tits. But that’s only true for lesser mentally developed beings. The same cannot be said about us fully developed humans. Today, you better have a fine job and people to sucker if you want to get places.

I’m sure you agree, the twenty first century has brought many new challenges and it’s no mystery that human survival depends heavily on competition. So, without further ado, I give you, five lessons that will make you a better survivor.

Eat your cookies fast

Eat them before someone else does because cookies taste good.

Know your cookie snatchers

Cookie snatchers are all over the place. They’re like leeches; they’ll suck the life out of you. They’ll get all the nutrients from your expensive cookies and sooner or later, you’ll feel hungry and sad when you find out that you’ve just eaten the last cookie. Nutrients from cookies are too priceless.

Read the label first

Most people don’t enjoy the full essence of cookies; they eat all the cookies first before reading the label behind the box that says: Best when consumed with milk.

Spread your seed

It gets scary when you start thinking about the future. If you don’t make kids, then who’ll take care of you when you get old? When social security can’t pay a house maid and your J-Lo has died whilst trying to make a baby, what will you do?

Seeds bring love and a bunch of other merriments. Like me, I came from the darkest corner in my father’s balls and look at me now – I’m eating cookies while typing on a computer and using the internet. How elated my parents must be! Spreading your seed is good. Besides, animals still do it.

The past is Important

If one day you decide that cookies aren’t that good again, remember all the good times you had with them. Remember the days when you found a prize inside the box. And don’t forget that mystery cookie from the other day. The one you picked up off the ground after the ten second rule and later realized it wasn’t a cookie. Cookies are tricksie.


Everything has a reason why said...

LEO- YOU ARE A PHENOMENON- no really the lessons where great. hmn..if you came from the deepest corner of your dads whatchamacallit, where did i come from i wonder? Keep me posted on the game about today!

Tracy said...

very helpful indeed...

Leonardo Melendez said...

My sincerest apologies to those that see my "lessons" rather cryptic. Really, I'm very sorry.

Daniel H. Schluckebier said...

Dude, thats some funny stuff...
Reading ur Blod made my day...

I agree strongly bro...

Lets spread the seeds...

Wear a German Condom!!!